Either your university is in the thick of its darkest hours or finals week is fast approaching. In my case, I’m facing week two of the madness; and instead of finishing my last projects, I’ve sought solace with my favorite Jane Austen characters. Hopefully they add a bit of mirth to your own last days at school, so without further ado…
Finals: As Told by Jane Austen Characters
You first wonder how it can be the end of the semester already. Didn’t you just get your syllabus a few days ago? You still have plenty of time…
And then you realize that there is no time and that you have five papers, four exams, and a group project to finish in a week.
You start joining study groups. Except that creepy guy from your class finally works up the nerve to hit on you, so you leave. Studying on your own is more productive, right?
Except you remember Netflix and freedom, so you spend the weekend hiding from obligations. Besides, your grades are fine. Nothing to worry about.
And then the first exam punches you in the stomach. Hard.
So instead of studying, you speculate the possibilities of getting your Mrs. Degree or dropping out of school to marry a rich and handsome man.
However, your more sensible friends ruin it for you with logic. Is a rich man really going to marry a college dropout, anyways?
With a broken heart and falling GPA, you cry yourself to sleep. Studying without a goodnight’s rest is pointless, anyways. You have the whole day to study.
Then that “good” night sleep becomes the last time you see your bed for another 48 hours. You shall conquer this. You shall!
These desperate times call for desperate measures, so you meet with your professors. Bring them cookies. Laugh at their jokes. Offer to polish their shoes. Nearly anything for a mercy grade…
But instead of showing sympathy, they just hand you back a paper with a note stating that your MLA style isn’t up-to-date. You crawl into your hole of academic shame and wonder if you can simply hide there forever.
Then you check your email and find out that one of your finals have been canceled. Best early Christmas present ever.
And then somehow it’s all over. Thankfully you don’t die, but instead of celebrating you just crawl back into bed. You should have studied sooner… You shouldn’t have watched so much Netflix or spent five hours organizing your closet. You’re convinced your efforts to survive were not enough…
After a day or two, though, you start to realize that it’s probably not all that bad. After all, you did survive. You start to laugh, perhaps a bit hysterically, as you drive home.
Everything will be okay… until it happens all over again next semester.